Re: Women’s Empowerment and Other Issues in Mona Lisa Smile and And the Spring Comes
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 4:57 pm
Here is my reflection about this experience and my revision process:
1) What were your expectations for the border-crossing activity? Are your expectations met? Why or why not?
Once I understood the assignment, I was excited to finally put my newly-learned ideas about foreign rhetorical practices to use since I learned a lot about how people outside of America use English. Interacting with students from a foreign country was something I had never done before and I am happy to have had that opportunity. I also enjoyed watching the two movies. Overall, the activity reached my expectations of resembling a discussion forum set up.
2) Please name three things that struck you most when you interacted with the Chinese peers, and explain why. (You may comment on the differences and/or similarities in lexical choice, writing style, idea presentation, rhetorical preference, cultural convention etc.)
• One of the members of my group wrote an extremely detailed and insightful essay on the use of the symbols including bikes and frames in the movies. It presented interpretations I hadn’t thought of myself and I was impressed with the depth of her analysis.
• I was pleased with the range of comments I received because all of them greatly influenced my revision. The peer review we completed in class provided me basic organizational, grammar, and argument suggestions. Since my essay was in its preliminary stages at that point, I did not implement many changes from the in-class review because I changed the thesis and restructured my essay in my revision.
• Like we discussed in class, the organization and use of single-lined paragraphs was unfamiliar to me but it did not deter from the main messages of my group member’s essays.
3) Did you incorporate what had been discussed into the revised draft? If so, please elaborate on how the discussion had led to the revisions you made. If not, please explain why.
After reading the comments and re-reading my essay, in my revision I decided to refocus my argument and sift through my evidence/ideas to better support my essay. Some of the specific suggestions I took into account were:
• Almost all of my group members recommended to add more analysis and detail to my paragraphs about And the Spring Comes so I wrote more specifically about scenes for each character that supported my point.
• I decided to make minimal changes to my opening paragraph as Qirong mentioned that I had a concise summary of both films. I just adjusted my thesis statement to fit my evidence more. Specifically, I deviated from women’s issues to rejecting social norms/traditions and its effects on the characters. I also changed the title to better represent my essay.
• I realized that its ok to have personal opinions sprinkled in the response essays from reading my peers’ essays.
• In Xiaochun’s track changes, I appreciated their advice: “I think perhaps you can analyze the reasons combing with the background and cultural concept in the article. Those women make different choices because of the social factors and their own value.” This piece of advice was influential in my revision.
• Through class discussion and Yanqiong’s feedback, I detected errors in my interpretation of And the Spring Comes. Particularly in the paragraph:
“And the Spring Comes is drastically darker than Mona Lisa Smile as it shows Wang’s many failed relationships and turns to teaching and singing for happiness. Towards the end she even turns to a match making agency to find a partner. After no success, she adopts a young girl who has a cleft lip. Wang’s adoption of Fan is symbolic in the sense that neither of them are conventionally beautiful. Just after surgery, someone asks what happened to her face.” I realized that this was not a strong paragraph and decided to eliminate it from my essay.
• Shuixiu provided the most productive advice for my revision. In particular, she mentioned adding more to my analysis and description of And the Spring Comes along with not heavily editing my opening. She also explained: “The reason why Cailing was despised is not only concerned with social norms but many other things. Economy is the base of superstructure. People had a low living level at that time, naturally, it’s hard for them to admire art. You can try to express your idea by analyzing more, such as why the people look down upon them, why director use a dim light, why Cailing had a semi-bad ending and so on.” which corrected my initial interpretation and prompted me to dig deeper into the Chinese culture during the 80s.
• In terms of organization, Shuixiu suggested contrasting “point to point in one paragraph”; however, I did not use this advice because to me, the organization made sense for the essay. I can see how this suggestion represents the differences in how we use English because using that particular structure might be more familiar to them.
• Shuixiu said, “Your article is focus on breaking the convention, and you just talk about the surface of it. You can depict the social norms in detail. And you can investigate the meaning of the film in now time. You can make it deeper and wider in your article.” This piece helped refocus my essay for my revision and focus on strengthening the argument of breaking social norms. I realized from this quote that it’s not just women who struggle with social barriers in the two movies so, in my revision I included the other artists in And the Spring Comes.
4) Do you think the activity is beneficial to you in terms of knowledge gains or skill enhancement? If so, please elaborate. If not, please explain why.
Yes. This semester has showed me that writing shouldn’t always be so formulaic. I also learned that I need to improve my written analytical skills. In an effort to create an inclusive English-speaking community, this activity allowed students to interact, compare, and contrast their opinions on two different movies (one which was outside of their cultural comfort zones). I personally struggled to interpret And the Spring Comes so I was grateful for my group’s interpretations because they have more knowledge about the historical background of And the Spring Comes. I realized the importance of knowing the socio-historical background to any topic provides a wealth of knowledge that is useful to deepening any analysis.
7) Could you provide three adjectives to describe your feelings about the activity? Please explain your choice.
• Eye-opening- I learned more about my writing style, how to interact with people from foreign countries, and the importance of inclusivity.
• Useful/helpful- without my group’s feedback, I wouldn’t have made the large changes to my argument like I did. Now, I believe I have a better constructed essay with evidence that supports my claims about the characters struggling to break through social barriers in their societies.
• Interactive- commenting back and forth while also carrying conversations with multiple students was dynamic and interesting. I appreciated the introductory videos as they were useful in matching a face to a name.
8) Any additional comments, suggestions, and observations you would like to make to better help us assess your performance in this activity?
In order to improve this activity, I would recommend allotting more time for it to transpire along with setting hard deadlines for each person’s responses to get the most out of the exchange. It would also be interesting if groups were given the opportunity to respond to the revised essay.
1) What were your expectations for the border-crossing activity? Are your expectations met? Why or why not?
Once I understood the assignment, I was excited to finally put my newly-learned ideas about foreign rhetorical practices to use since I learned a lot about how people outside of America use English. Interacting with students from a foreign country was something I had never done before and I am happy to have had that opportunity. I also enjoyed watching the two movies. Overall, the activity reached my expectations of resembling a discussion forum set up.
2) Please name three things that struck you most when you interacted with the Chinese peers, and explain why. (You may comment on the differences and/or similarities in lexical choice, writing style, idea presentation, rhetorical preference, cultural convention etc.)
• One of the members of my group wrote an extremely detailed and insightful essay on the use of the symbols including bikes and frames in the movies. It presented interpretations I hadn’t thought of myself and I was impressed with the depth of her analysis.
• I was pleased with the range of comments I received because all of them greatly influenced my revision. The peer review we completed in class provided me basic organizational, grammar, and argument suggestions. Since my essay was in its preliminary stages at that point, I did not implement many changes from the in-class review because I changed the thesis and restructured my essay in my revision.
• Like we discussed in class, the organization and use of single-lined paragraphs was unfamiliar to me but it did not deter from the main messages of my group member’s essays.
3) Did you incorporate what had been discussed into the revised draft? If so, please elaborate on how the discussion had led to the revisions you made. If not, please explain why.
After reading the comments and re-reading my essay, in my revision I decided to refocus my argument and sift through my evidence/ideas to better support my essay. Some of the specific suggestions I took into account were:
• Almost all of my group members recommended to add more analysis and detail to my paragraphs about And the Spring Comes so I wrote more specifically about scenes for each character that supported my point.
• I decided to make minimal changes to my opening paragraph as Qirong mentioned that I had a concise summary of both films. I just adjusted my thesis statement to fit my evidence more. Specifically, I deviated from women’s issues to rejecting social norms/traditions and its effects on the characters. I also changed the title to better represent my essay.
• I realized that its ok to have personal opinions sprinkled in the response essays from reading my peers’ essays.
• In Xiaochun’s track changes, I appreciated their advice: “I think perhaps you can analyze the reasons combing with the background and cultural concept in the article. Those women make different choices because of the social factors and their own value.” This piece of advice was influential in my revision.
• Through class discussion and Yanqiong’s feedback, I detected errors in my interpretation of And the Spring Comes. Particularly in the paragraph:
“And the Spring Comes is drastically darker than Mona Lisa Smile as it shows Wang’s many failed relationships and turns to teaching and singing for happiness. Towards the end she even turns to a match making agency to find a partner. After no success, she adopts a young girl who has a cleft lip. Wang’s adoption of Fan is symbolic in the sense that neither of them are conventionally beautiful. Just after surgery, someone asks what happened to her face.” I realized that this was not a strong paragraph and decided to eliminate it from my essay.
• Shuixiu provided the most productive advice for my revision. In particular, she mentioned adding more to my analysis and description of And the Spring Comes along with not heavily editing my opening. She also explained: “The reason why Cailing was despised is not only concerned with social norms but many other things. Economy is the base of superstructure. People had a low living level at that time, naturally, it’s hard for them to admire art. You can try to express your idea by analyzing more, such as why the people look down upon them, why director use a dim light, why Cailing had a semi-bad ending and so on.” which corrected my initial interpretation and prompted me to dig deeper into the Chinese culture during the 80s.
• In terms of organization, Shuixiu suggested contrasting “point to point in one paragraph”; however, I did not use this advice because to me, the organization made sense for the essay. I can see how this suggestion represents the differences in how we use English because using that particular structure might be more familiar to them.
• Shuixiu said, “Your article is focus on breaking the convention, and you just talk about the surface of it. You can depict the social norms in detail. And you can investigate the meaning of the film in now time. You can make it deeper and wider in your article.” This piece helped refocus my essay for my revision and focus on strengthening the argument of breaking social norms. I realized from this quote that it’s not just women who struggle with social barriers in the two movies so, in my revision I included the other artists in And the Spring Comes.
4) Do you think the activity is beneficial to you in terms of knowledge gains or skill enhancement? If so, please elaborate. If not, please explain why.
Yes. This semester has showed me that writing shouldn’t always be so formulaic. I also learned that I need to improve my written analytical skills. In an effort to create an inclusive English-speaking community, this activity allowed students to interact, compare, and contrast their opinions on two different movies (one which was outside of their cultural comfort zones). I personally struggled to interpret And the Spring Comes so I was grateful for my group’s interpretations because they have more knowledge about the historical background of And the Spring Comes. I realized the importance of knowing the socio-historical background to any topic provides a wealth of knowledge that is useful to deepening any analysis.
7) Could you provide three adjectives to describe your feelings about the activity? Please explain your choice.
• Eye-opening- I learned more about my writing style, how to interact with people from foreign countries, and the importance of inclusivity.
• Useful/helpful- without my group’s feedback, I wouldn’t have made the large changes to my argument like I did. Now, I believe I have a better constructed essay with evidence that supports my claims about the characters struggling to break through social barriers in their societies.
• Interactive- commenting back and forth while also carrying conversations with multiple students was dynamic and interesting. I appreciated the introductory videos as they were useful in matching a face to a name.
8) Any additional comments, suggestions, and observations you would like to make to better help us assess your performance in this activity?
In order to improve this activity, I would recommend allotting more time for it to transpire along with setting hard deadlines for each person’s responses to get the most out of the exchange. It would also be interesting if groups were given the opportunity to respond to the revised essay.