ACROSS4SEAS.COM

When I was one year old, I was introduced to literacy. Why I would say that? Because my mother told me I caught a book at my One-Year-Old Catch( it means Zhuazhou in Chinese. In China, on the day when a baby is one year old, the family of the baby will lay out some objects, such as toys, money, abacus, etc. Watching the baby catch the article it likes without any instructions and cues, the family make predictions about its potential interests, and future career and development. This ceremony still exists in some regions nowadays. But many regard it as an entertainment. ) Anyway, it was the beginning of my making friends with literacy.
As I grew older, I went to primary school where my Chinese teacher taught me to read. It was essential for children, so that they had the ability to read books by themselves to generate their understandings for the content. Whenever I came across a new word, I always turned to my silent teacher- Xinhua Dictionnary. Since then, I have developed the habit of reading, from simple picture books to Tang poems, from fables to novels. I still remembered my first extracurricular book was a phonetic version of Grimms Fairy Tales. And the first book I read through was Memories of Peking: South Side Stories, written by Lin Haiyin, a Taiwan writer in China. At that time, literacy was a window through which I glimpsed the colorful outside world. I lived on an island as Robinson Crusoe did, but unlike him, mine was constructed by myself.
Although I read mostly for fun in primary school, I read mostly for good grades in junior school. Unlike picture writing and teld a simple story in primary school, we often were asked to write argumentative and narrative essays, those required more writing skills and language, good text structure and clear main ideal. So we needed to read heaps of books, including classic articles, composition books. But to be frankly, I had to admit that my literacy was on another higher level though I had objection to the way of examination- oriented education.
Then, I came ito a senior school, I had little time to read in the press of Entrance Examination. I just spent the majority of my time doing exercises to improve my grades. The articles I written became formalized, as my Chinese teacher in senior school said, " using the three- piece of five- paragraph style."
When I was admitted to college, I reignited my interest and passion of reading and writing. I spent a whole afternoon reading a book, even though it had nothing to do with my study. And I write whenever I get inspiration. What is more important, as an English major student, I am asked to read and write in English than Chinese. It is a challenge for me, as I am living in Chinese cultural background since birth. So I have to learn different cultural phenomena and try to adapt to them, it is really a huge project! But, learning a language that is different from yours can be both an exciting and challenging experience. I think critically and creatively while exposure to another culture, and make progress from my mistakes. I surprisedly came to discover, as Robinson did when he found Man Friday, that I was not alone on the island constructed by myself.
English and Chinese, they both are carriers and tools of expressing our feelings and opinions. We learn more about Chinese while studying English, which makes me more literate in the future.

Hello Haiyan,

Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. I hope my responses below are helpful as you move forward in your writing. Thank you for your response to my paper as well!

Overall Response: There are many aspects I love about your essay, beginning with the initial story of your first year catch and the moment of foreshadowing as you reached for the book. It was a strong choice to begin with a story. You also have a beautiful way of phrasing certain ideas, such as when you call the dictionary your “silent teacher” and your description of literacy as your “window.” I also enjoyed the way you framed the essay with the Robinson Crusoe reference, but I somewhat wished you had come back to the first catch story as well. As you trace the different stages of growing up with your literacy education, you do a nice job of capturing the shifts in focus that exist in education—from the thrill of stories and literature at a young age to the more advanced ages where, as you said, you “had to admit that [your] literacy was on another higher level though [you] had [an] objection to the way of examination-oriented education.”

Focus: You clearly focus on your journey of literacy throughout the various stages of your education. I think your essay reflects this purpose well in its structure. You had more to say in some areas than others, but overall you achieved a balance through the literary devices you used along the way.

Development for Readers: I believe that most readers could follow your essay and its purpose quite well. You use illustrative examples such as your mention of your “first extracurricular book” of “Grimms Fairy Tales” and specific examples of the increasing demands like the primary school requirement that you “read heaps of books, including classic articles, [and write in] composition books.” There are a few places where words are missing—“I am asked to read and write [more often] in English than Chinese”—or need some grammatical adjustments—“as I [have been] living in [a] Chinese cultural background”—but your overall meaning does not become lost in the errors.

Organization and Coherence: As I mentioned earlier, beginning the essay with a captivating story was a good choice. It sets the tone for your relationship with literature and reading, and it adds personality while still organizing your essay as you end the paragraph with “it was the beginning of my making friends with literacy.” From there, the organization of primary school, senior school, and then college works well to trace the journey you describe.

There were also some areas of creative phrasing that could use some clarification. I loved the Robinson Crusoe reference in order to describe the island you had “constructed for [yourself],” but I thought you should clarify what created your island. You had just mentioned that literacy was your window to the outside world, but the island reference suggests that something was still keeping you trapped from reaching that world. Was it your own perceptions or something else within you?

Language, Grammar, Conventions: Work on identifying run-on sentences that should be broken up into separate thoughts. For example, you wrote the following: “Unlike picture writing and teld a simple story in primary school, we often were asked to write argumentative and narrative essays, those required more writing skills and language, good text structure and clear main ideal.” The first sentence should end after “essays.” Given the quality of the rest of your writing, it seems like the “ideal” at the end of that sentence was a simple typing error for “idea,” but I was not sure about the “and teld” in the beginning of those sentences. I assumed you meant “Unlike picture books that told a simple story…” Another example of identifying the run-on sentences occurs here: “So I have to learn different cultural phenomena and try to adapt to them, it is really a huge project!”

Main Emphasis for Revision: Reading your work out loud will continue to help you identify and adjust the errors mentioned above such as the run-on sentences, missing words, and incomplete sentence structure. Improving these areas will allow your creative choices to become the primary influence on the reader and how they respond to your work. I think you are doing a wonderful job of writing in a second language and illustrating firsthand what you said yourself, that both languages “are carriers and tools of expressing our feelings and opinions.” Thank you again for the opportunity to read your work!

Sincerely,
Shannon M.

Hello, Shannon
Thank you for your response to my paper ! And I am sorry that I replied to you so late.
After reading your reply, I made some changes in my article.First of all, as you said, my article does have some spelling mistakes caused by carelessness, and the ambiguity caused by the level of written English expression. I don't have a clear essay design in my mind. I apologize for the inconvenience caused by this. And I will correct those in the future writing process. Second, because I had some problems in my conceiving, my story was not so strong, so it was a bit boring to read. In addition, I must also say that language learning should be an interesting process. It should build a bridge of friendship for the country and home. Through this communication with you, I saw the directions that I should make improvements.
Finally, I am very grateful for this The Border-crossing exchange activity .
Sincerely,
Haiyan, Chan