I was born in a place where education is extremely valued. So about reading and writing, I got in touch with them early. My mother was the first one to take me close to reading and writing . And the key of my literacy was my fist tape recorder.
"a, o, e, i, u..." Mom read"Pin Yin" loudly and I fellow, repeated. And I fell asleep companied with mom's stories. Before entering school, all knowledge I understood including reading and writing was from my mom. It could say that, she was the first person to open my door of literacy. "Morning is the precious time to read. Just open your mouth!" "Read more books and newspapers. "mom always told to me.
One day after school, I came back home as usual and found that my mom had gone out of the house. "Mom may have gone shopping." I thought. The door creaked open. Mom carried vegetables in her left hand and didn't know what she held in her right hand. "Mom, what's that?" I pointed to that unknown thing. "Oh, this is the tape recorder that I bought for you. So that you can repeat after correct pronunciation. I am afraid what I taught to you is wrong. So..." "Oh thank you mom, it's great! Can it really make sound of the tapes?" I asked with happiness. "Of course. Let's have a try now." Mom said and then put a tape of music in it. After pressing the switch. The music trickled from the tape recorder with the belts moved by inches. "Wow! It really makes sound. Amazing!" I shouted out and stood up and kicked up my heels. Mom looked at me and patted my head gently with a beaming face. Then, mom showed me how to use it. "I need to prepare dinner. Use it by yourself." mom said. "Ok mom, I know how to use." I replied. I can remember that afternoon eternally. It's like a great picture in my mind. I played the tape recorder with the andante music out while mom was making a meal for my family outside surrounded by lampblack. A few rays of sunlight fell on the desk. We were in a small rental house; We were in cozy home; And we were happy. And since that day, l and mom studied on tape recorder every day. The first tape recorder that bought by my mother really opened the door to my literacy including English reading and writing. My primary school offered English courses only if students entered grade three. So before grade three, I learned English companied with my mom and the tape recorder. "In fact, not only can I companied with you, but I also got a lot. We learned together and made progress together." My mother said.
About my mother and that tape recorder both are good teachers and helpful friends on the road of my literacy. As a student of linguistics, reading and writing will be with me for a long time. I hope my literacy can be improved gradually.
The Tape Recorder and My Mother
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Lindsay H.
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2018 2:09 am
Re: The Tape Recorder and My Mother
Overall Response
I particularly enjoyed the way that you focused your essay on a particular formative moment. Your use of dialogue enriched your description of this moment and helped me experience it vividly as a reader.
Focus
The focus of the essay seemed to be on the way that your mother influenced your literacy journey, particularly by buying you a tape recorder. All sections of the essay fit this focus.
Development for Readers
I think the essay would benefit from a more specific and thorough explanation of how the tape recorder facilitated your linguistic growth. It would be helpful to clarify what “Pin Yin” is within your essay, as it is not something I am familiar with within my cultural context.
Organization and Coherence
I would consider adding a sentence to the beginning of your second paragraph to help smooth the transition. Because your first paragraph ends with a discussion of the tape recorder, if there is no transition, I then expect the next paragraph to be about the tape recorder. Consider adding a sentence to introduce the topic of this paragraph.
Also consider splitting your third paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one about the day you received in the tape recorder and the other about how the tape recorder helped you grow linguistically. This would also give you more space to more thoroughly explain how the tape recorder facilitated your linguistic growth, as I mentioned above.
Perhaps you could also spend more time reflecting on your overall growth in your conclusion, which would help unify the different parts of your essay.
Language, Grammar, Conventions
Avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). To remedy this problem, either combine the sentence with the prior sentence, or eliminate the coordinating conjunction altogether. For example, in this sentence, “And since that day, l and mom studied on tape recorder every day.,” you can just eliminate the word “and” at the beginning of the sentence, as it is unnecessary to convey the intended meaning. In these sentences, “My primary school offered English courses only if students entered grade three. So before grade three, I learned English companied with my mom and the tape recorder,” you can combine the sentences as follows: “My primary school offered English courses only if students entered grade three, so before grade three, I learned English companied with my mom and the tape recorder.”
Major Emphasis for Revision
In revision, I would recommend focusing on developing a more thorough and specific explanation of how the tape recorder helped your linguistic development, which would be facilitated by the organizational shifts I suggested.
I particularly enjoyed the way that you focused your essay on a particular formative moment. Your use of dialogue enriched your description of this moment and helped me experience it vividly as a reader.
Focus
The focus of the essay seemed to be on the way that your mother influenced your literacy journey, particularly by buying you a tape recorder. All sections of the essay fit this focus.
Development for Readers
I think the essay would benefit from a more specific and thorough explanation of how the tape recorder facilitated your linguistic growth. It would be helpful to clarify what “Pin Yin” is within your essay, as it is not something I am familiar with within my cultural context.
Organization and Coherence
I would consider adding a sentence to the beginning of your second paragraph to help smooth the transition. Because your first paragraph ends with a discussion of the tape recorder, if there is no transition, I then expect the next paragraph to be about the tape recorder. Consider adding a sentence to introduce the topic of this paragraph.
Also consider splitting your third paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one about the day you received in the tape recorder and the other about how the tape recorder helped you grow linguistically. This would also give you more space to more thoroughly explain how the tape recorder facilitated your linguistic growth, as I mentioned above.
Perhaps you could also spend more time reflecting on your overall growth in your conclusion, which would help unify the different parts of your essay.
Language, Grammar, Conventions
Avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). To remedy this problem, either combine the sentence with the prior sentence, or eliminate the coordinating conjunction altogether. For example, in this sentence, “And since that day, l and mom studied on tape recorder every day.,” you can just eliminate the word “and” at the beginning of the sentence, as it is unnecessary to convey the intended meaning. In these sentences, “My primary school offered English courses only if students entered grade three. So before grade three, I learned English companied with my mom and the tape recorder,” you can combine the sentences as follows: “My primary school offered English courses only if students entered grade three, so before grade three, I learned English companied with my mom and the tape recorder.”
Major Emphasis for Revision
In revision, I would recommend focusing on developing a more thorough and specific explanation of how the tape recorder helped your linguistic development, which would be facilitated by the organizational shifts I suggested.